


Just Like the Ones I Used to Know

by crownjules



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Apocalypse, side baeksoo, this is the vaguest apoc ever sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 16:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13662375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownjules/pseuds/crownjules
Summary: Chanyeol wants to bring Christmas back for Jongdae





	Just Like the Ones I Used to Know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [johnwick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnwick/gifts).



> merry february!!! sorry this is so aggressively christmasy bUT to be fair it's been sitting in my docs since december >:(  
> anyway chrissy dear, i really hope you like it since i put all my love into it for you :(  
> i'm sorry the apocalypse is probably not up to your standards askjfha i tried  
> ily :(

**i. I'll have a blue Christmas.**

 

“It’s starting again.” Chanyeol follows the path of Junmyeon’s gaze to where it’s focused on Jongdae across the room. He’s laughing at something Baekhyun is saying but even from this distance Chanyeol can tell it’s a little bit forced. He’s well versed in the smiles of Kim Jongdae and this particular one isn’t reaching his eyes.

Chanyeol nods in agreement, wishing there was something he could do, but, like every year, he feels hopeless.

“He used to really love Christmas.” Junmyeon was one of the few people who knew Jongdae before all of this. He continues, ignoring the way Chanyeol has gotten uncharacteristically quiet, sullenly moving his food back and forth on his plate. “But then again, who didn’t. I miss the way it was.”

Chanyeol hums in response. He misses it too. The warmth, the laughter, the cheer. It gave him a free pass to be as cheesy as he wanted while passing it off as Christmas spirit. Chanyeol is exactly the kind of person who flourished during the Christmas season. He wants it all back and he kind of wants someone special to spend it with. The foolish part of himself wants all of that with Jongdae. Jongdae who can light up the room with just the curl of his lips. Jongdae who does his best to take care of everyone before himself. He deserves to have a good Christmas again.

Chanyeol sighs dramatically into his food, knowing that this particular fantasy will never come true.

“He’s okay,” Junmyeon says, turning back to Chanyeol and finally acknowledging his pity party, “He’ll bounce back, he always does.”

Chanyeol nods stiffly and chances another peek at Jongdae across the room. Baekhyun seems to have caught on that Jongdae isn’t in the mood and has moved on to bother Kyungsoo. Chanyeol’s heart pangs at the mere sight of Jongdae curled in on himself and wonders if maybe this is the year he finally _does_ do something to help him.

  
  


It’s been the same every year since the virus hit. Jongdae’s smile starts dropping around the beginning of December; Chanyeol always notices. He fakes it for a while until the days are at their shortest then even pretending to laugh at Junmyeon’s jokes seems to take too much effort. It continues on like this for the entire holiday season--not that there’s much to celebrate anymore except maybe surviving. Jongdae doesn’t start defrosting until February, the warmth returning to his smiles like spring.  

Chanyeol always takes special notice of this because he’s been pathetically pining ever since he and Jongdae were assigned neighbors in the Quarantine Housing for the Immune. He knew Jongdae had lost his family--there weren’t many who hadn’t--but it had never seemed to have affected Jongdae in the way the sadness creeped into the rest of the world. It’s what got Chanyeol through those rough few months where everyone was settling in, scared to get too close in case the system was wrong and they were to somehow succumb to the virus, making the grieving process begin anew. 

From the moment Jongdae introduced himself, it was like he made it a mission to never let Chanyeol’s spirit break. It’s about time Chanyeol returns that favor.

  
  
  


“Help me bring Christmas back for Jongdae.” Chanyeol asks Baekhyun later that night. His eyes are closed and he’s humming, his head snuggled in Kyungsoo’s lap while the latter is knitting a scarf or something. The pattern is an interesting swirl of light blues and greens. Baekhyun cracks an eye open.

“Go on,” he says, resuming his humming. Kyungsoo stops what he’s doing momentarily and looks at Chanyeol expectantly.

“Um, well you know how Jongdae gets sad at Christmas, right? I thought I could help him...not be sad.” It sounds kind of lame when he says it out loud like that, but that’s why he came to Baekhyun for help. He doesn’t even know where to begin. His idea of a romantic Christmas gesture would be to give Jongdae all the presents from the song _Twelve Days of Christmas_ and that’s far too many birds for any reasonable person. 

It’s quiet for a few moments, Baekhyun has stopped humming again and is peering up at Chanyeol in contemplation. Kyungsoo frowns.

“Chanyeol, I know your heart is in the right place but there’s a reason why this time of year is so hard for him.” Kyungsoo tells him softly. Chanyeol had considered this of course, but he thinks it’s worth a try anyway.

“Maybe he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas anymore.” Baekhyun adds, shrugging like they’re talking about the weather and not Jongdae’s very happiness.

“But everyone loves Christmas.” Chanyeol pouts. And then adds more to himself, “I just want to make him smile.”

Apparently Baekhyun hears him though because the next second he’s pulling Chanyeol down and trapping him in a suffocating hug. He ignores the disgruntled ‘oof’ from Kyungsoo.

“What’s-”

“You’re a big softie and your heart is too big for your own good.” Baekhyun mumbles, muffled against Chanyeol’s chest.

“Does that mean you’ll help me?” Chanyeol asks, wiggling free a bit and propping his head on Baekhyun’s sternum. He smiles his best smile, complete with puppy dog eyes.

“Of course,” Baekhyun says, flicking Chanyeol’s forehead. “Now get off of me, your smile is menacing from this angle, you have way too many teeth.”

 Chanyeol doesn’t stop grinning even when he wrestles with Baekhyun in an attempt to get back at him. He points out that it was Baekhyun’s fault he was down here at all while Kyungsoo lovingly threatens to poke them with his knitting needles. On a normal night Jongdae would be here too, helping Chanyeol take down Baekhyun. But the thought of him curled up in his apartment alone sends a pang through Chanyeol’s heart, reminding him why he’s here.

He stops with a sigh.

“Did you have a plan, Chanyeol? How are you going to bring Christmas back for him?” Kyungsoo asks, “Or any of us for that matter. God knows it’s been years since we’ve had a real holiday.”

Chanyeol adjusts himself on the couch, moving Baekhyun’s legs aside so he can sit up properly and then carefully placing them back down so Baekhyun is now draped over both of them.

“Well, you know, the usual. Cookies, carols, trimming a tree. Presents! And Santa of course.” Chanyeol’s eyes are wide and shining as the excitement in him builds as he talks. “If there was snow we could make snow angels and have a snowball fight!!” He makes another mental check to see if he’s forgetting something. Probably. There’s so much to do now that he’s thinking about it.

“Slow down there, chief.” Baekhyun says, cutting in on Chanyeol’s enthusiasm. “There’s only so much of that we can actually do.” He looks a little bit sad when he says it and Chanyeol deflates when he realizes that Baekhyun is right. Their block just cut rations on sugar again so cookies are probably out of the question. Even just celebrating a holiday might prove difficult.

They were going to have to be creative.

 

 

 

**ii. On the first day of Christmas….**

 

Leaving the block and venturing into the abandoned city isn’t strictly forbidden, it’s just not usually done. There’s nothing there but abandoned buildings and memories of what once was. After the virus took its toll and the riots quieted, the remaining population was moved to the Quarantine Housing.

 It takes a little convincing to get Kyungsoo to join him and absolutely zero for Baekhyun. Junmyeon declined the offer with a ‘you kids have fun’ which made Chanyeol roll his eyes because Junmyeon is barely a year older than him.  

But he gets it, the city isn’t for everyone. Normally, Chanyeol wouldn’t even have to ask Jongdae, he’d be game straight away. But this is Holiday Season Jongdae, so Chanyeol doesn’t even bother to get his hopes up. 

He had expected a no and was therefore pleasantly surprised when Jongdae actually answered his door and throws on his jacket. Chanyeol thinks he might cry with happiness, so he hugs Jongdae so his face won’t betray him. And maybe he imagines the small smile on Jongdae’s face when he pulls away, but it’s nice to pretend.

 

 

 

“So what’s this all about?” Jongdae asks Chanyeol quietly on the drive in, while Baekhyun snoozes on Kyungsoo’s shoulder in the back seat.

“You came without knowing?”

Jongdae shrugs. “Missed you,” he says, with a glint in his eye. Playful.

Startled, Chanyeol replies, “I’ve been right here,” without thinking and it causes Jongdae to sigh sadly. He mumbles something that sounds sort of like ‘I know.’ But Chanyeol isn’t certain.

“Actually, I thought we could have a real Christmas this year.” He continues with a hopeful grin, “The whole shebang. So today, we’re gonna look for decorations and stuff.” And maybe a present if he can swing it, but that’s on the down low.

“Oh,” Jongdae’s mood drops visibly at the mention. He’s right back to being quiet, staring out the window for the remainder of the way.

  
  


Trips to the city have become a tradition for them ever since the Virus Containment Center declared it safe. Most were still too wary, others didn’t think it was worth the hassle of decontamination when they came back. But one day, Jongdae knocked on Chanyeol’s door with the brightest smile on his face and told Chanyeol to get dressed, they were going on an adventure. They had found Chanyeol a guitar that day, surprisingly intact and only a little out of tune, and Jongdae had spent all day ensuring that Chanyeol knew how to play all of his favorite songs so he could sing along.

Chanyeol thinks he fell in love that day to the tune of Jongdae’s voice as it wrapped around him in a nearly empty music shop; the only two people in the whole city.

The four of them poke around in a few places before Chanyeol remembers there was a craft store on 11th. It’s in the part of the city that still remains relatively untouched. Chanyeol still finds that part of the city creepier than what was destroyed. It’s like something frozen in time.

It’s weird.

Surprisingly, the craft store is kind of a jackpot. Even though it was June when everything uprooted and Christmas decorations were definitely out of season, Chanyeol finds plenty of things to stuff in his bag.

“Have you seen Jongdae?” Chanyeol asks Kyungsoo when he’s finished stuffing as many bottles as he can fit of red and green paint into his bag. He found him in the knitting aisle looking forlornly at the empty shelves.

“With Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol thinks Kyungsoo needs a moment alone so he leaves him to it, turning the corner and running square into Baekhyun himself. The latter shushes him and pulls him away from the aisle Kyungsoo is in. When they’re safely out of earshot, Baekhyun opens up his bag and shows Chanyeol what was probably every last skein of yarn the store had.

 “I’m gonna give them to him on Christmas,” he whispers, looking pleased as punch.

“He’ll love it,” Chanyeol whispers back. He wishes he could find something just as perfect for Jongdae, but nothing seems right.

Speaking of Jongdae, Chanyeol asks Baekhyun to point him in the right direction and ends up finding him sitting glumly by the registers, toying with an old fidget spinner; probably sold at the register to those prone to impulse buying.

“You okay?”

Jongdae shrugs.

“Did you see what Baekhyun got for Kyungsoo? He’s going to be so happy.”

Jongdae nods.

“Actually, can we go now? I just--I don’t--I’m sorry, I don’t know why I came in the first place.”

“You don’t have to apologize!” Chanyeol says quickly, wishing there was a way he could diffuse the despondency on his face. “But yeah, we can go. We found more than enough stuff to use for decorations already.”

Chanyeol watches him for a reaction, but his shoulders are still slumped, his expression turned carefully indifferent.

“That’s great,” he says, but it sounds forced.

Chanyeol tries to not let it get to him. He knows it’s not personal, but he can’t help feeling like he’s failing already when he’s only just begun.

The ride home is thankfully much livelier; due mainly to the fact that Baekhyun is awake now and he is always great at picking up on somber moods and doing the absolute most to turn them around.

And decorating when they get back is a blast, even if Jongdae isn’t actively participating. He’s sitting on the couch reading a book but he’s there and Chanyeol is thankful.

One step at a time.

 

 

 

**iii. Have a cup of cheer.**

 

Christmas dinner is essential for a good Christmas. This is the Park family motto. Better yet, Chanyeol manages to get the block’s resident chef to allow him a night in the kitchen for a home cooked meal. Well, actually he asked Junmyeon to ask his friend who’s cousin is in charge of the kitchen rations to pull some strings. He’s not really sure how it worked out exactly, but he knows he owes some favors.

He had strict instructions to use no more than he needed to and keep out of the way, so he ended up making a simple pasta dish for the five of them. The chef even helped him with a recipe for sugar free cookies. It’s not elaborate by any means, but it’s something.

They eat tucked away in a corner from anyone else so there’s no cry of unfair treatment and Chanyeol thinks the whole thing is worth it when Jongdae compliments his cooking. Nearly all of them almost cry at the sight of the cookies, no matter how bland they might taste. 

As they eat, Chanyeol sits back for a moment to watch. All of his friends are laughing and having fun, the sight makes his chest warm. Baekhyun was right about him being a softie.

After dinner, Chanyeol pulls out his guitar and starts strumming aimlessly, not quite catching on any melodies in particular, while the rest of the group continues with their conversation.

“Why don’t you play some carols?” Junmyeon suggests during a lull, “Since this was Christmas dinner and all.”

It’s a good suggestion and Chanyeol begins with the chords of the more well-known songs, letting his low voice carry throughout the room as he sings along.

They let him sing the first few songs alone, clapping after he’s finished each one, but then Kyungsoo starts harmonizing with him on _Silent Night_ and pretty soon others have joined for a sing-a-long as well. They shout for their favorites and clap delightedly when Chanyeol knows the chords, encouraging him when he’s not too sure. Even if he bungles a line of _Jingle Bell Rock_ , the caroling is the most lively thing that the residents from the block have participated in in a long time.

It would be totally perfect, except for the fact that Chanyeol notices Jongdae sneak out quietly after a bit. Everyone else is too caught up in the festiveness that they pay him no mind. Chanyeol watches him go, too afraid to dampen everyone else’s spirits by going after him and taking the music with him, so he forces a smile on and keeps strumming.

 

 

 

**iv. Oh Christmas tree.**

 

The forest still hasn’t made a full recovery from the fires. It’s hard to think about back then. The chaos, the uncertainty, the overwhelming death. It doesn’t do to dwell, so most of the time Chanyeol doesn’t. After last night though, Chanyeol needed to think, and this is where he ended up.

It’s quiet; the trees are mostly still blackened and the wildlife hasn’t quite returned. It’s an ugly reminder of how the virus destroyed everything--lives, families, sanity. The fires started during the riots that broke out as a result of the Immune Housing--Chanyeol shudders to even think about it.

This plan was supposed to make Jongdae happy and it wasn’t working. It’s probably because it doesn’t actually feel like Christmas. They don’t even have a tree. And Jongdae deserves everything.

When he’s done moping, Chanyeol decides he’s cold and it’s time to leave, making the familiar walk home to the block. But as he’s leaving, he spots a hint of green a little off his usual beaten path. It stands out amongst the dead trees, all burnt to black, and definitely worth investigating. When he gets closer it’s almost as if he can feel the powers of fate at work because before him, although very small, is a baby pine tree.

It’s probably no more than a few years old but it’s perfect. Chanyeol knows just what he’s going to do.

 

 

 

**v. Santa Claus is coming to town.**

 

“Baekhyun, what are you wearing?”

“My good boy, I’m not Baekhyun. Why, I’m Santa Claus!” Baekhyun responds, giving a hearty ‘Ho Ho Ho’ for good measure. He’s dressed in an oversized red sweater that’s cleary been stuffed with a pillow. He completes the look with a backwards red snapback and a white beard that looks like it was knit by Kyungsoo if the fond but exasperated smile on his face is anything to go by.

“He forced me,” Kyungsoo shrugs, schooling his expression into something more neutral. Chanyeol laughs, knowing full well that Kyungsoo will always be helpless to Baekhyun’s demands no matter how hard he tries to play it off.  Kyungsoo punches him but there’s no malice in it.

“You wanted Santa didn’t you? Well you got him.”

“I don’t--”

“Hey, come on I said I’d help, right? And we should celebrate, we’re all still virus free!”

Chanyeol can see his point. This morning was the monthly immunity check. A tedious process that involves a lot of needles and poking to make sure there are still no traces of the disease that killed half the population. The Immunity Housing was very thorough, but there was never any room for mistakes. Understandably, the whole process is kind of a bummer. A harsh reminder of their reality. So Chanyeol agrees; he _did_ say he wanted Santa. 

Kyungsoo refused to wear the reindeer antlers that Baekhyun had carefully crafted with pipe cleaners, so Chanyeol took up furry duty (as Baekhyun lovingly described it, simultaneously throwing more light onto Kyungsoo’s adamant refusal) and Kyungsoo ran around gathering children. Most of them were ecstatic to see Santa. Even ten year old Sehun sat on his lap and asked for a skateboard despite initially raising a skeptical eyebrow.

The last little girl to have her turn sits on Baekhyun’s lap and looks up at him with big, serious eyes as she asks Santa to bring her mother back. Baekhyun, who had been playing the part of the jolly old man flawlessly, goes white as a sheet. The entire room seems to be held at a standstill. No one moves.

Not until Jongdae is getting out of his chair, the god awful scraping of the metal legs against the wooden floor resonating in the quiet room. Chanyeol hadn’t even known he was there.

He locks eyes with him across the room for what feels like eternity, and then Jongdae sweeps out of the room.

With a smile pasted on his face, Baekhyun begins damage control with the little girl, calmly explaining that Santa can’t bring people in his magical sack because it was just for toys, all while motioning frantically for Chanyeol to follow after Jongdae. Chanyeol doesn’t need to be told twice.

He catches up with him in the hallway, just before Jongdae makes it to the stairs. Out of breath, he calls to him.

“Don’t go, please.”

Jongdae freezes, but doesn’t turn around. “It’s too much, Chanyeol.”

“What is?”

“All of it,” Jongdae says, turning around and swallowing hard, “The holidays just aren’t for me anymore. Too many painful memories.”

“But it’s Christmas..” Chanyeol trails off, unsure of what else to say. Kyungsoo had warned him about this but he wasn’t actually prepared.

“I know, go back in and have fun.”

Jongdae’s words are meant to be consoling but Chanyeol doesn’t understand how he can have fun without him when this whole thing was _for_ him. Well it was, before things got out of hand.

With a sigh, Jongdae starts for the stairs again. Chanyeol is sure that he can explain; apologize. He just wants the bright and sunny Jongdae back, he has to explain. He tries to follow but Jongdae stops him.

“I get what you were trying to do, but it’s never going to work for me,” he says with an impatient sigh, “Please leave me alone.”

And then he’s out of sight and up the stairs while the air around Chanyeol feels so thick and heavy, that he has to remind himself how to breathe.

He takes a shuddering breath to steady himself and prepare to go back in, but suddenly he doesn’t feel very festive anymore.

 

 

 

 

**vi. All I want for Christmas is you.**

 

_“Chanyeollie!!!! You play the guitar really well.”_

_“Chanyeol, your hair is so fluffy.”_

_“Please leave me alone.”_

_“You’re eyes are so big.”_

_“Chanyeol, you’re always so warm.”_

_“Please leave_ **_me_ ** _.”_

_“Chanyeollie, I love you the most.”_

_“Please leave me alone.”_

**_“Leave me alone.”_ **

  
  


Chanyeol can’t concentrate. Especially not after last night. All he can think about is Jongdae. Which is not much different than usual, but now it’s punctuated by the dismal look on Jongdae’s face and Chanyeol’s own crushing heartbreak.

“Kyungsoo what do I doooooooo.”

“Stop whining and finish this stitch.” Kyungsoo responds, forcefully pulling Chanyeol’s pitiful attempt at a scarf back into his vision.

“It’s too hard, I give up,” Chanyeol whines, “and Jongdae is mad at me so Christmas is ruined.” He sniffles for extra emphasis so Kyungsoo will stop working on his own beautiful azure creation and take pity on him.

“You’re the one that wanted me to teach you this,” Kyungsoo huffs, but he does end up taking pity on Chanyeol and lets him stop, even if it’s just to get him to shut up. “I don’t think Jongdae is mad at you.” 

Chanyeol gives him a pointed look. “He told me to leave him alone.”

“True.”

After a beat of silence, a second part of Kyungsoo’s statement doesn’t seem to be coming so Chanyeol whines again.

“Aren’t you going to give me advice?”

“No?”

“Well, I could use some!”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says, setting down his needles,”I don’t think you ruined Christmas, and Jongdae will be fine.”

Chanyeol sighs to the high heavens. “You suck at this.”

Kyungsoo shrugs, “I’m not an advice guy, just do what you gotta do. You put a lot of effort into this and maybe it didn’t work for Jongdae, but the rest of the block is in high spirits. This is the first time _I’ve_ felt Christmassy in years. _You_ did that.”

“But that’s the point, all of this was for Jongdae.”

“There’s always next year?” Kyungsoo says, seeming dubious of his own words.

“You really suck at this.”

  
  


Later, Chanyeol finds himself back in the forest looking at his little tree. He was so happy when he found it, but now it just feels pathetic. This must be how Charlie Brown felt when the rest of the Peanuts laughed at him. 

But maybe Charlie Brown and his preachy friend had a point. Well, about the commercialism any way. Chanyeol takes another good look at the forest even though there isn’t much to show. Most of the trees may be still burnt, but there’s hope here if his small pine is anything to go by. It just needs a little love and care. And so does Jongdae. Maybe Chanyeol pushed him too hard when he knew it was going to be difficult. And hopefully, with time, this season won’t be hard.

If seeking out advice from Kyungsoo wasn’t going to work then he supposes an old cartoon will have to do.

Tomorrow he’ll give it one more go.

 

 

 

**vii. And a partridge in a pear tree.**

 

Chanyeol had given Jongdae a few days to cool off. Aside from a few times for meals, he hasn’t really seen the latter. With a heavy heart he realizes that he’s probably being avoided.  But thanks to his Peanuts induced epiphany, he had decided to give it one more shot. To at least say he was sorry.

While Chanyeol didn’t exactly have a plan for how the next morning was going to go, he definitely didn’t expect to be woken up to a blanket of glittering snow outside his window. While the winters are still bitterly cold, it hadn’t snowed properly like this in years. He nearly drops everything he was planning just so he can go out and play in it like a kid.

But then there’s a knock on the door that reminds him that he has Things to Do. He just doesn’t expect said Thing to be standing in front of him looking sheepish.

“Can I come in?”

Belatedly, Chanyeol realizes that he was just staring at him dumbly, so he quickly steps aside and ushers Jongdae in.

“I’m-”

“-sorry.”

“ _You’re_ sorry?” Jongdae asks, “What for?”

“For pushing you and not realizing this could have been overwhelming.” Chanyeol was used to his crushing affection being received and returned by Jongdae. It’s probably why he thought this would be easier than it was. “It was selfish, even if I just wanted the best for you.’

“Oh, I wanted to talk to you about that actually.” Jongdae says, “Because I’m sorry, and I should never have told you to leave me alone. I-” he takes a deep breath to steady himself, “I know I get like this during this time, and I shut people out. I thought if I did that it would be easier to handle those memories and missing my family.” He nearly whispers the last part but Chanyeol is listening very closely. “But the past few weeks, as much as the reminded me of before, they also proved that there’s still a lot to celebrate. If it’s with you.” Chanyeol’s head snaps up at that and Jongdae gives him a small, sad smile. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to ruin your Christmas.”

The speech had rekindled some of Chanyeol’s hope for his plan, all but the last part. Ruin Christmas? Why is Jongdae always talking nonsense?

“Well, today is Christmas Eve, so it’s not ruined yet.” Chanyeol says with a playful smile. “Can I show you something?  


 

 

His forest is beautiful. It was quiet before, but the thick layer of snow has somehow muted all the remaining sound. Chanyeol feels like he has to whisper or he’ll break the peaceful spell. Jongdae’s cheeks have turned a delightful pink from the cold and he keeps glancing curiously at Chanyeol as he leads them further into the burnt forest. When they finally make it to the tree, Chanyeol plants Jongdae in front of it with a proud ‘ta-da!’

 The snow has weighed down a few of the branches and there’s so much of it and so little tree that about a third of it is buried completely. Thankfully, the decorations are still visible, peeking out against the green of the tree and the white of the snow to bring a pop of color to their surroundings.

It’s quiet for only a few moments where Chanyeol is looking at Jongdae and Jongdae is looking at the tree. Chanyeol is so nervous that it feels like a stone has taken up residence in his throat and is restricting his ability to swallow. His heart nearly stops when Jongdae lets out a sound somewhere between a sob and a guffaw, burying his face in his hands. His shoulders are shaking and Chanyeol can’t tell if he’s laughing or crying. The stone from his throat drops to his stomach. He knew this was a mistake.

 Just as Chanyeol is about to apologize again, Jongdae looks up with watery eyes, and yeah, he was crying. Chanyeol wishes he could kick his own ass. He didn’t want to make Jongdae cry. But as soon as he’s had the thought, Jongdae laughs? At least Chanyeol thinks that was a laugh, it still kind of sounded like a sob. There’s tears in his eyes and he’s smiling and--

“It’s so ugly,” Jongdae says, smile dancing on his features. Chanyeol has missed this sight so much but is so terribly confused. The fact that in the next second Jongdae grabs him and kisses him does nothing to dispel that confusion.

“I--there wasn’t much choice.” Chanyeol says, a little dazed when Jongdae pulls away. He gestures around to the desolate forest that’s now covered in a glittering layer of snow.

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it though.” Jongdae says, cheeks pink with something other than the cold now.

They both stand around a bit awkwardly for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. Jongdae _kissed_ him. This is truly a Christmas miracle.

“Uh, Merry Christmas by the way.” Chanyeol says, because he has to say _something_. If he doesn’t, he’s two seconds from breaking into nervous giggles. “I’m sorry i didn’t get you anything. Kyungsoo tried teaching me how to knit but I suck at it.” Chanyeol frowns, holding out his palms to curse his big giant yaoi hands (it’s what Kyungsoo had called them when he bungled yet another stitch and couldn’t unravel it), “So there’s a fourth of a scarf you can have but it would probably make a better blanket for a ferret.”

 Jongdae looks one part amused and another part endeared. “Are you still trying to convince me that ferrets are the superior pets?”

 "No, I--I really wanted to make this nice for you but I ended up screwing all of it up.”

“Chanyeol, the fact that you even thought about doing this for me makes it one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten and I got a Playstation when I was ten.”

“High praise.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae laughs.

“So…” Chanyeol is suddenly shy again even though he met and surpassed his intended goal. Even if it didn’t work out exactly as planned. But once again, he’s remembering that Jongdae kissed him a minute ago and he kinda wants to do it again.

“So…?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

Chanyeol doesn’t find out if Jongdae was going to say yes (he’s pretty sure he was) because at that moment a snowball smacks him square in the back of the head.

“Bullseye! Merry Christmas!!” Says a voice that can only be Baekhyun. A second later the owner of said voice comes traipsing into view, bundled up in a scarf of swirled blues and greens, and laughing his ass off.

“He absolutely deserves whatever you’re going to do to him,” Kyungsoo says, coming into view a moment later, “but unfortunately,” he holds up his own snowball, “I’m going to have to defend him.”

Kyungsoo throws, this time aiming for Jongdae, who has the foresight to dodge. Kyungsoo pleads forgiveness when he sees Chanyeol scooping up a pile of snow, but it’s too late. This is war.

Tons of laughter, a fair bit of shrieking, a few broken alliances, four snow angels, and two snowmen later, they have to call it quits if they want to still have working use of their hands. When Baekhyun is terrorizing Kyungsoo by trying to warm up his icy hands under his jacket, Jongdae takes the opportunity to hang back a bit.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, eyes on Baekhyun who’s whining to Kyungsoo that it will be his fault if Baekhyun loses his fingers to frostbite. “For doing this. I promise I’ll work on it.”

Chanyeol smiles and pulls Jongdae closer, “And next time, I’ll work on not being Too Much.”

“Please,” Jongdae says, leaning into Chanyeol’s warmth, “You couldn’t even if you tried.”


End file.
